The Blog
Loving them is your most powerful tool
Raising children is one of the most rewarding yet challenging responsibilities in life. As parents, caregivers, and educators, we play a vital role in shaping the next generation. The way we guide our children through their formative years directly impacts their emotional, social, and intellectual growth.
At the heart of raising children lies a simple yet profound truth: Children thrive in an environment filled with love, patience, and consistency. When we nurture them with understanding and provide them with a stable foundation, we equip them with the tools they need to navigate life with confidence and resilience. This blog will explore the significance of patience, learning through mistakes, social development, and the importance of stability in a child’s growth.
Children are naturally curious and full of energy, often testing the limits of our patience. However, patience is one of the most critical gifts we can offer them. When children feel heard, understood, and supported, they develop confidence and a willingness to learn.
Instead of responding with frustration when a child struggles to understand a concept, we should take a deep breath and remind ourselves that learning is a process. A child who feels rushed or pressured may develop anxiety and self-doubt, but a child who is given the time to explore and understand at their own pace will flourish. So slow down and allow children to ask questions, even if they repeat themselves. Respond to them with positive reinforcement instead of frustration when they struggle. Be Patient and show them how to handle challenges calmly. Whatever actions or behaviors you exhibit, “they will model what you do. “ Did you get that? They are going to do what you do and behave how you behave.
One of the greatest lessons a child can learn is that making mistakes is not a failure—it’s a step toward success. Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth, but too often, children fear failure because of how it is perceived.
As parents and caregivers, we must Teach our children that mistakes are just part of the package of living and that every great success story is filled with failures and setbacks. When they see mistakes as stepping stones instead of roadblocks, they become more resilient and open to challenges. Don’t be afraid to share stories of famous people who failed before succeeding (e.g., Thomas Edison, who failed over 1,000 times before inventing the lightbulb, or Babe Ruth, who held the homerun record in his time but also held the strikeout record). Teach them to Journal (you may have to do it for them or with them when they are younger, but let them be a part of the process. Encourage them to reflect on their mistakes and discuss what they learn and how it makes them feel. Don’t punish mistakes instead, guide them toward a better solution. Yes, it sometimes involves consequences if rules are broken. But always be a teacher and a guide for them, not an enforcer to be feared. When children embrace mistakes as part of their learning journey, they develop the confidence to try new things without fear of failure
Children need consistency to feel safe and secure. When they know what to expect, they feel more confident in exploring the world around them. A stable routine provides a sense of comfort and trust, allowing children to focus on learning and growing.
Consistency applies to discipline, expectations, and daily routines. When parents and caregivers set clear and consistent boundaries, children understand what is expected of them. They feel secure in knowing that the rules don’t change based on emotions or circumstances. So, It’s important to establish daily routines, such as bedtime stories, family meals, or morning rituals. Once again, make sure you are consistent in discipline—ensure that rules are clear, fair, and enforced with love. Do it by offering emotional stability and being present and attentive to their needs. A stable and nurturing environment gives children the confidence to explore, learn, and grow.
Children are not just growing physically and intellectually; they are also developing socially. Learning how to interact with others, express emotions, and build healthy relationships is a crucial part of their development. As they grow socially, children must learn how to share, communicate, listen, and empathize with others. These skills will help them form friendships, work collaboratively, and navigate the social world with ease. (Skills they will need to become leaders).
The world is a crazy and dangerous place. So, preparing them to interact in the world is crucial. The best way children learn is by observing the adults around them. So, encourage cooperative play with siblings, friends or classmates. Teach them conflict resolution by showing them first by example by doing it yourself with respect and kindness. When children learn how to interact with others healthily and positively, they develop the social confidence needed to one day step out into the world independently.
Here’s The grand truth. At the heart of all these lessons; patience, learning from mistakes, consistency, and social development—is love. It's the most powerful thing you have to teach. A child who feels loved and supported grows into an adult who is secure, confident, and emotionally strong.
As parents, caregivers, and educators, our role is not just to teach facts but to nurture souls. When we raise children with patience and love, we give them the foundation they need to thrive, learn, and one day build a beautiful future of their own.
By embracing the journey of raising children with patience, love, and consistency, we are not just teaching them—we are giving them the best possible start in life.
As parents, caregivers, and educators, we often get caught up in the daily grind of raising children—the sleepless nights, the endless questions, the moments of frustration and joy intertwined. But in the grand scheme of things, our time with them as children is fleeting. We only get to walk closely beside them for a short season before they step into the world on their own.
Though we will always be in their lives, the time when we are their primary source of guidance, security, and love is brief. Our influence is but a moment in their lifelong journey, but what we pour into them now will echo throughout their lives.
There is an indescribable joy in watching our children grow, in seeing them take their first steps—both literally and figuratively—toward independence. Watching them succeed, overcome obstacles, and become kind, strong, and capable individuals is one of life’s greatest rewards.
And perhaps the most profound realization is this: They are the future. The way we nurture them today will shape the world of tomorrow. Every word of encouragement, every lesson in patience, every act of love plants a seed that will grow into something extraordinary.
So let’s cherish this time. Let’s be present, be patient, and be the guiding light that helps them become the best version of themselves. Because one day, they will step forward on their own, carrying with them the lessons we have taught—and that is the true legacy of parenthood.
Here are some resources I like:
“The Whole-Brain Child” by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson – A book that explores how to nurture children’s developing minds with love and understanding.
Harvard University’s Center on the Developing Child – Research on how stable, nurturing relationships shape a child’s brain development.
Positive Discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen – A resource on how to guide children with kindness and firmness.
Navigating ADHD: A Real-World Guide to Strengthening Executive Functions Hey Awesome people!—If you’ve got ADHD like I do, you know the drill. Your brain is bursting with energy and ideas, but somehow... nothing gets done. I’ve had so many days where I’m running around trying to do five things at once, only to forget what I started with—or I’ll dive so deep into one thing that everything else disappears. It’s draining. But here’s the bright side: I’ve discovered a few tools that have made this ride a little smoother, and I want to pass them along. A 2024 study in the Journal of Clinical Medicine lays out four main ways to strengthen those executive functions—those tricky brain skills like planning, focusing, and staying on track. I’ve tried some of these myself, so let me walk you through them with a bit of heart, and a whole lot of “me too.” What Are Executive Functions, Really? Think of executive functions as the brain’s management team—it helps you remember to take the trash out, resist that fourth cookie, or plan your week. For us with ADHD, that manager sometimes just walks off the job. But here’s the good news: that part of our brain can be trained. The study I mentioned breaks it down into four areas—psychological training, medication, digital tools, and exercise. Let’s dig in. Therapy: Brain Training That Actually Works Therapy has honestly changed the game for me. It's like hiring a personal coach who gets how your brain is wired. Out of the 14 studies the paper looked at, this one came up the most—and for good reason. It includes insights into four tools. Some of which I make a regular practice. And believe me, it works. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Lifesaver. I used to look at a task like “write a report” and immediately shut down. CBT taught me to chop it into smaller, doable chunks—like “just write one paragraph.” That alone made a huge difference. Mindfulness and meditation: This one is a winner for me. I start my day with a nature walk (it helps that there is a forest right out my front yard) I just walk and listen to what nature gives me. This has helped me tune into the present instead of jumping from thought to thought. It’s like a mute button for my brain. There are Programs like “My Mind” that have shown that it helps kids focus better. Mindfulness is one of my go-to practices. In fact, it plays such a massive role in my life that I will write a separate blog post on the benefits of mindfulness. So watch for it. Neuropsychological Training: Neuropsychological training is kind of like a gym workout, but for your brain. It uses games and activities—like memory challenges, attention puzzles, and problem-solving tasks—that are designed to target the areas of your brain that help you focus, remember things, and stay organized. If you’ve ever felt like your brain zones out or forgets stuff too easily (especially with ADHD), this kind of training helps sharpen those skills over time. It’s not about making you perfect, but about strengthening your mental muscles a little bit each day so tasks at school, home, or even just everyday stuff feel a bit easier. Plus, it can actually be fun, like playing a game that secretly makes you better at thinking and remembering without even realizing it. Group Therapy: Group therapy is like a team huddle for your mental health—you’re in a room (or even online) with other people who get what it’s like to struggle with stuff like focus, planning, or feeling overwhelmed. A therapist leads the group, but everyone shares tips, talks through challenges, and learns strategies together. It might sound a little awkward at first, but it’s actually super powerful to realize you’re not the only one dealing with this stuff. You get to practice social skills, problem-solving, and real-life planning in a safe space where mistakes are totally okay. Plus, hearing how others cope can give you ideas that actually work in your own life, and that kind of support can really boost your confidence. Why It Helps These tools meet your ADHD brain where it is. Instead of fighting it, you work with it. The research even showed solid results, especially in kids, but adults benefit too. CBT can feel clunky at first, but it becomes second nature as you progress. For CBT, start by finding a Specialist. Try someone who works specifically with ADHD to see if it is a good fit for you. Or you can try A mindfulness app that guides you through mindfulness sessions. Remember, ADHD isn't a one-size-fits-all. There aren't two ADHDers that are the same. We all have a different Journey to navigate. For me, Emails used to terrify me—I’d avoid them until they snowballed. Now? I set a 10-minute timer and just answer one. Not perfect, but hey, it works. Medication: Turning Down the Mental Noise Let’s be real: meds aren’t for everyone, and that’s okay. But for me? Total lifesaver. I take Lisdexamfetamine (Vyvance), and it’s like someone dialed down the chaos just enough for me to breathe. I even asked, “Is this what it's like for people without ADHD? It’s so quiet!” If you are considering a medication, consult with your doctor to see if it would be a good option for you. Meds work because they help balance out the chemical part of ADHD, especially in the prefrontal cortex—your executive control center. They don’t teach skills, but they give you the focus to actually use the tools you’ve learned. For me, it’s like putting on glasses: suddenly, everything’s clearer. Again ask your doctor if Medication might be a good fit for you. You never know until you try it. Next, we have everyone's favorite, Digital Tools. I like to think of these tools like Brain hacks. I love tech, so I geeked out over this part. The study found five solid tools that help executive function. I use a time-management app that gives me gentle nudges—and it’s saved me more than once from falling into a YouTube rabbit hole. There are so many tools available out there. It’s something you just have to experiment with, tools like Cognitive Apps that offer memory workouts that get tougher as you improve. Gamified Learning Apps that make brain training feel like a video game. Digital CBT, Therapy-on-your-phone, is real and can be really helpful when life’s hectic.These tools work because they turn mental training into something engaging. Remember the The Adhd brain is interest-oriented. We can’t help it, it’s just the way our brains are wired. The trick to these tools is consistency; 15 minutes a day adds up. Just stick to the ones backed by actual research. Some good apps to start with would be: EndeavorRx and Cogmed. Both are solid. Flashy doesn’t always mean effective. Just set a routine and build in a little time every day for brain training. I use a Pomodoro-style app that breaks my day into 25-minute focus blocks. It gently keeps me on track—and wow, my to-do list has never looked better. I teach this method in my book “Harnessing the Storm, ADHD as Your Success Catalyst” Exercise: Move Your Body, Calm Your Mind Okay, I used to hate working out. And Today, I still hate it. What can I say? But working out doesn’t have to be in a gym or a typical activity. Remember those walks I go on. “Sometimes I go on long hikes,” But nonetheless, the study had one paper on sports, but plenty of other research backs it up. When I just take a simple walk, my brain feels sharper, my body calmer. Walking, swimming, or running gets the blood (and brain juices) flowing. Team Sports can be good as well. Things like soccer and basketball help with planning, impulse control, and they can be fun! Game-Like Training (HIIT ) plus brain games. Yes, it exists. I didn’t even know it was a thing til now. Exercise lights up your brain, boosts dopamine, and helps burn off all that extra energy. The study showed major improvements in kids’ skills after 60 days of game-style workouts. But you don’t need to run out and join a soccer league, just keep it simple. A 10-minute walk is a great start. Need I say to pick something you enjoy, that’s the trick to sticking with it. Your brain will thank me later. Honestly, when I go hiking or just on a walk, I get a two-for-one deal. I am in a mindfulness state, and I feel like my brain has had a spa day. More focus, less stress. Total win. A Gentle Reminder: You’re Doing Better Than You Think Living with ADHD is no joke. There are days when it all feels impossible. I’ve had those moments of wondering why I can’t just “get it together.” But here’s what I’ve learned: ADHD isn’t a flaw—it’s a different kind of brilliance. You’re creative. You’re passionate. You care. And you’re not alone in this. Here are a few things that help me keep going: Start Small: Try one new strategy this week. Just one. Stick With It: Whether it’s an app, a walk, or therapy, consistency is everything. Celebrate the Tiny Wins: Paid a bill on time? Finished a task? Heck yes—high five! Lean on People: Find your support system. We all need one. Let me emphasize that. EMBRACE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. People who understand and support you will get you farther than anything. Progress, Not Perfection So if you’re exploring therapy, considering meds, downloading an app, or just lacing up your shoes for a walk, know that you’re moving forward. This journey is messy, but it’s yours and its Beautiful. And you’re not walking it alone. I’m still figuring things out too, but we’ve got this. One step, one breath, one win at a time.
Have you ever had one of those moments where your brain feels like a thunderstorm—wild, chaotic, and then suddenly lit up by a lightning bolt so bright it stops you in your tracks? If you’ve got ADHD, I’m betting you know exactly what I mean. When you’re locked in and unstoppable, those electric bursts of energy are what I call the "lightning" of ADHD. They’re thrilling, right? But they can also vanish as fast as they strike, leaving you wondering how to hold onto that magic. Well, grab a cozy spot and stick with me—today, we’re diving into Chapter 5 of Harnessing the Storm, "Lightning and the Lightning Rod," to figure out how to catch that lightning and make it work for you. Spoiler: it’s less about fighting your brain and more about working with it, and I can’t wait to share how. Let’s paint a picture: You’re sitting there, maybe avoiding something boring like folding laundry, when—ZAP!—an idea hits. It’s brilliant. You’re buzzing, diving into a project with laser focus, and you’re a force of nature “for a little while.” That’s hyper-focus, one of ADHD’s hidden gems. In Chapter 5, I liken it to lightning because it’s intense, fleeting, and downright powerful. But here’s the catch—just like a real storm, it doesn’t always stick around. One second, you’re deep in the zone, and the next, you’re distracted by a shiny object or lost in a daydream about tacos. I’ve been there more times than I can count. For years, I’d get frustrated when those bursts faded before I could finish anything. Then it hit me: that lightning isn’t a glitch—it’s a gift. We just need a way to channel it. So, how do we catch it? That’s where the "lightning rod" comes in—a tool to grab and direct that raw energy somewhere useful. Think of it like this: researchers, like those at the Cleveland Clinic, say hyper-focus happens when something grabs your interest so hard that your brain tunes out everything else (Cleveland Clinic, 2023). It’s why you might lose hours to a video game or a passion project but struggle to care about spreadsheets. In the book, I share a story about my buddy Sam, who’s got ADHD and a love for building model trains. He’d get these wild ideas for intricate designs, but they’d fizzle out fast. Then he tried what I call the "Capture and Contain" trick. Step one: capture the lightning. When inspiration hits, scribble it down—notebook, phone, napkin, whatever’s handy. Sam started sketching his train layouts the moment they sparked. Step two: contain it. Pick one tiny next step—like “Spend 20 minutes tomorrow gathering supplies”—so that burst doesn’t just drift away. Now, Sam’s got a shelf full of finished models, and he’s beaming with pride. You can do this, too, whether it’s a creative idea, a work goal, or something that just lights you up inside. Here’s the heart of it: those lightning moments aren’t just about productivity—they’re a clue to who you are. Experts like Dr. Russell Barkley point out that ADHD brains thrive on dopamine, that feel-good chemical tied to reward and motivation (Barkley, 2015). When you hyper-focus, it’s often on stuff that feeds your soul—things that excite or challenge you. For me, it’s writing—like pouring my thoughts into this post for you. What’s it for you? Maybe it’s music, fixing things, or dreaming up big ideas. That’s your lightning rod’s sweet spot. You can carve out more space for it by noticing what triggers your hyper-focus. Imagine saying, “Hey, this thing I love? I’m going to make it happen more.” That’s not just managing ADHD—that’s turning it into your superpower. And don’t worry if it feels messy at first. Hyper-focus can be a double-edged sword—amazing when it works, tricky when it doesn’t. WebMD notes that while it can lead to incredible bursts of creativity, it might also mean losing track of time or neglecting other stuff (WebMD, 2023). That’s why your lightning rod needs a little structure. Try setting a timer to keep your bursts in check, or pair them with a reward—like a snack after an hour of focus. I once got so caught up writing that I forgot to eat all day—lesson learned! Now, I set a little alarm to nudge me back to reality. It’s not about taming the storm; it’s about guiding it so you don’t burn out. So, don't let the lightning slip through your fingers next time it strikes. Catch it, channel it, and let it fuel something incredible. You’ve got a storm in you, sure—but it’s a gorgeous, powerful one. Want more ideas like this? Flip through Harnessing the Storm or swing by our crew at www.itswhatmattersmost.com. I’d love to hear what your lightning looks like—drop me a note or leave a comment. Let’s harness this storm together, okay?
Blog post covering ADHD Emotional Dysregulation with tips and strategies